I think im going to throw up on grandma
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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