Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
