Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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