My room smells like vodka and shame
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
