I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
