Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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