Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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