You're my little dorito
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
