um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
