Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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