Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
