i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
