Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
