You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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