I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
