I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
