I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
a search helicopter?!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
