There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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