Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
