you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
