I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize