i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize