Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
