$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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