You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
