i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
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