good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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