Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
