just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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