Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
