I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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