I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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