sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize