can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
