Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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