capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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