there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
