Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
