Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
