when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We left the knife in your bed.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize