So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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