im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
