I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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