3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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