Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
