Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
