He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
