I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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