she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
