I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
