Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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