I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
