Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
