he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
