Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize