Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is Oprah even human
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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