I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
