He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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