How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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