Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
