If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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