I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
