Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
