your room smells of hookers.
And success
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
