well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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