Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
