we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
