just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
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She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
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Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life