Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime