Texts From Last Night

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  (647): View more from Ontario

  she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf

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  (647): she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf http://tfl.nu/59j2
  Replies (10) Good night (858) Bad night (1082)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.

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  (401): I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver. http://tfl.nu/132c
  Replies (21) Good night (6188) Bad night (1416)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?

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  (608): Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother? http://tfl.nu/8hut
  Replies (8) Good night (4099) Bad night (1184)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  One less school supply you need to buy!!

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  (443): Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!! (860): One less school supply you need to buy!! http://tfl.nu/u0z5
  Replies (25) Good night (5350) Bad night (1253)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.

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  (803): He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing. http://tfl.nu/hr4b
  Replies (17) Good night (4397) Bad night (2077)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.

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  (774): After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs. http://tfl.nu/szq4
  Replies (17) Good night (736) Bad night (3035)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes

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  (406): i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes http://tfl.nu/smno
  Replies (3) Good night (1845) Bad night (760)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains

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  (919): the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains http://tfl.nu/cfm9
  Replies (5) Good night (416) Bad night (880)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.

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  (703): Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village. http://tfl.nu/vbou
  Replies (1) Good night (1320) Bad night (400)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.

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  (605): No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives. http://tfl.nu/8dyn
  Replies (2) Good night (365) Bad night (646)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.

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  (713): The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time. http://tfl.nu/2jw5
  Replies (3) Good night (662) Bad night (342)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band

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  (503): I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band http://tfl.nu/jb22
  Replies (1) Good night (425) Bad night (477)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  who is the naked dude on the coffee table

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude

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  (918): who is the naked dude on the coffee table (1-918): thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude http://tfl.nu/otkf
  Replies (0) Good night (1001) Bad night (194)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.

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  (506): We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true. http://tfl.nu/0lim
  Replies (0) Good night (348) Bad night (185)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.

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  (905): Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again. http://tfl.nu/504d
  Replies (1) Good night (325) Bad night (146)

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