Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly

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  (313): my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly http://tfl.nu/cj2d
  Replies (39) Good night (916) Bad night (10218)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter

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  (914): Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter http://tfl.nu/3hf7
  Replies (128) Good night (2613) Bad night (3845)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart

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  (912): just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart http://tfl.nu/ug8y
  Replies (27) Good night (17141) Bad night (1028)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?

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  (859): Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in? http://tfl.nu/azmi
  Replies (8) Good night (591) Bad night (3969)
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  (310): View more from California

  You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...

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  (310): You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor... http://tfl.nu/dk61
  Replies (9) Good night (2016) Bad night (5776)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory

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  (615): She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory http://tfl.nu/j2ic
  Replies (3) Good night (2797) Bad night (862)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"

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  (248): On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers" http://tfl.nu/kmiv
  Replies (12) Good night (2572) Bad night (1349)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?

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  (832): Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones? http://tfl.nu/bhpj
  Replies (7) Good night (2296) Bad night (941)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?

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  (978): and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy? http://tfl.nu/x9f9
  Replies (15) Good night (1577) Bad night (1171)
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  (550): View more from

  I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas

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  (550): I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas http://tfl.nu/h91s
  Replies (1) Good night (1350) Bad night (557)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.

  (213): View more from California

  I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.

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  (773): Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA. (213): I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars. http://tfl.nu/q1ju
  Replies (15) Good night (1774) Bad night (616)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.

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  (718): Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really. http://tfl.nu/n2d1
  Replies (13) Good night (2682) Bad night (658)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.

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  (727): OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP. http://tfl.nu/c6a1
  Replies (6) Good night (306) Bad night (670)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.

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  (216): Question: trumpet bong. Can it work. http://tfl.nu/hpw0
  Replies (8) Good night (689) Bad night (255)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name

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  (306): i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name http://tfl.nu/61nk
  Replies (0) Good night (556) Bad night (209)

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