He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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