I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.