I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned