Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?

  (325): View more from Texas

  Because you touch yourself at night.

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  (480): Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working? (325): Because you touch yourself at night. http://tfl.nu/lm5u
  Replies (14) Good night (3124) Bad night (824)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love

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  (330): i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love http://tfl.nu/ix9b
  Replies (26) Good night (6371) Bad night (593)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.

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  (205): I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs. http://tfl.nu/sygp
  Replies (34) Good night (5621) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Pass out mid-funnel last night.

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  (603): Pass out mid-funnel last night. http://tfl.nu/a6ug
  Replies (4) Good night (2332) Bad night (1748)
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  (516): View more from New York

  There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed

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  (516): There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed http://tfl.nu/zayy
  Replies (5) Good night (4882) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...

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  (616): I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself. (616): The wine tasting is just for charity anyways... http://tfl.nu/d1ju
  Replies (3) Good night (2823) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.

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  (203): she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever. http://tfl.nu/jt2o
  Replies (8) Good night (6636) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.

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  (540): Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps. http://tfl.nu/aqjz
  Replies (5) Good night (958) Bad night (6137)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave

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  (314): i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave http://tfl.nu/l2ny
  Replies (6) Good night (2298) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen

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  (814): we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen http://tfl.nu/nfcd
  Replies (9) Good night (2255) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.

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  (631): I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again. http://tfl.nu/8i97
  Replies (4) Good night (1769) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.

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  (501): I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this. http://tfl.nu/a4t5
  Replies (8) Good night (1291) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....

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  (479): You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging.... http://tfl.nu/it7p
  Replies (0) Good night (259) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship

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  (403): She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship http://tfl.nu/44te
  Replies (6) Good night (1424) Bad night (208)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  We will go to karaoke

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me

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  (603): We will go to karaoke (1-603): Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me http://tfl.nu/bhpl
  Replies (1) Good night (405) Bad night (430)

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