Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
