u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"