She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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