No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
