If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
