Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
